Marrying a Vampire

Necrophilia?

I’m not the biggest fan of the Twilight saga, but with a wedding featuring in the latest movie I am inclined to take notice.

I actually lasted twenty minutes into the first film, the hormones and teen angst made me reach for my remote. I didn’t enjoy it when I was a teenager and don’t really want to watch films with it in, but the films became very popular.

picture from twilightmovies.org/wallpaper.php

The only thing is, would you really want to marry a vampire?

I Wouldn’t

For this discussion, lets assume vampires are real. Right, got that out the way, now lets remember that vampires are human predators.

picture from uk.gamespy.com/articles/116/1168324p1.html

While vampires drink blood, traditionally their favourite blood is human. Do you really want to have a husband who wants to eat you?

We all know that the Cullens have turned vegetarian, even us cynics who don’t want to know anything about the Cullens. That’s all well and good, but we have all lost our tempers with our other half, who knows what happens when you get a vampire angry! You could be complaining that he hasn’t done the dishes and suddenly your throat is torn out.

Do you really want to risk that?

And what about the aging thing?

You will be growing older and older but your husband will stay the same age! That will be fine for a few years but eventually people will start thinking that he is your son!

Especially if your husband is Edward Cullen who looks young enough to be in high school.

picture from thebuzzmedia.com/more-proof-women-like-assholes-or-edward-cullen-is-a-douche/

And quite frankly, if you’re 104 years old, why would you want to go back to school? I don’t care how bored you are, there is no way an adult would want to spend time with a bunch of hormonal kids (unless they’re a youth worker).

Is that explained in the book? I’m not sure that it is!

Would you want to marry an old man who hangs around with teenagers? I’m not sure that I would.

And what about your own kids?

picture from thesaleminsider.com/2009/09/28/salem-kickes-off-halloween-season-with-haunted-happenings/

Can vampires even have children? Surely if they are dead, the reproductive functions should be dead too. Can an undead creature create life?

According to Vampire.net, vampires cannot have children. However, vampires are indeed fictional creatures and so an author can make them do whatever they like!

Still don’t think I’d marry one.

picture from bridefinds.com/2011/twilight-wedding-update-youll-never-guess-what-problem-theyre-having-with-the-dress/