Wedding Speech Jokes

Having a Giggle

A lot of men find the wedding speech the most nerve wracking part of a wedding. To stand up in front of over 100 people and speak from your heart is a difficult thing to do, and three of the men in your life will do just that on your wedding day.

To help them out a bit, I’ve collected some one line jokes from presentation magazine.com, confetti.co.uk, iamstaggered.com and wedding speech builder.com.

Openers

The Groom: Good evening Ladies and Gentlemen - First, I'd like to inform you that my bride has vetted this speech, so if you consider any of the material inappropriate, it's her fault. (wedding speech builder)

The Best-Man: Ladies and gentlemen, if there's anybody here this afternoon who's feeling nervous, apprehensive and queasy at the thought of what lies ahead, it's probably because you have just got married to Paul Wilson. (wedding speech builder)

Any man: I'd like to start by saying that my wife Maria has proofread this speech, so if you consider any of the material inappropriate, it's her fault. (wedding speech builder)

The Best-Man: Ladies and gentlemen, I am the best man, so in time-honoured tradition, I will do my best to give Dave the most uncomfortable five minutes of his life. For the record, the most uncomfortable five minutes of Sheila’s life will becoming later on this evening, courtesy of Dave. (iamstaggered.com)

Probably Best-Man: In the interests of being politically correct, I’ve removed any controversial material from this speech. [Long pause]… Thank you very much and good afternoon (iamstaggered.com)

Father-of-the-Bride: Ladies and gentlemen, I'd like to thank all of you for being here today, especially those of you who knew that I'd be saying a few words - it’s very touching that you still decided to come. (wedding speech builder)

Any Man: I’m told that the best speech makers follow three simple rules. Stand Up. Speak Up. Then, very quickly, Shut Up. I’ll try to stick to that advice. (presentationmagazine.com)

Any man: The brain is a wonderful thing. It never stops functioning from the time you’re born until the moment you stand up to make a speech.(presentationmagazine.com)

Funny Stories

The Best-Man: For those of you who don't know me, I'm Jason, one of Paul's closest friends for over 15 years. In that time, I've been a partner in crime on many occasions and, in the quieter moments, a confidant for Paul to whom he can tell anything - which has provided me with ample material for my speech this afternoon. (wedding speech builder)

Father-of-the-Bride: I would like to say that Linda is looking wonderful today. She's had a hard week leading up to the wedding, not many people know this but she actually had her credit card stolen on Monday. Paul is not reporting it to the police because whoever nicked it is spending less than her! (wedding speech builder)

The Groom: Linda is beautiful. She’s intelligent. She’s funny. She can cook like Nigella Lawson and she’s got the patience of a saint. I can say with my hand on my heart that I’m one of the luckiest men alive. And she writes a cracking Bridegroom speech as well. (wedding speech builder)

The Best-Man: When I first heard Dave was getting married I was overjoyed, and really looking forward to our special day. But enough about the stag do… (iamstaggered.com)

Advice

For the groom: The most effective way to remember your wedding anniversary is to forget once.(presentationmagazine.com)

Whenever you’re wrong, admit it. Whenever you’re right, shut up. (presentationmagazine.com)

More Jokes Coming Soon!

Adding sparkle to your wedding speech will make your wedding more memorable. I remember my friend’s new husband made a kind joke about their vicar’s mutton chops, ‘I know what you’re thinking and yes, they were real.’ We all understand that your groom, father and the best man will be nervous about giving speeches, but remind them that when guests laugh at their jokes, it will help them relax.

Keep checking back for more jokes!