Wedding Etiquette

This is How It’s Going to Happen..

Weddings have lots of traditions, and some things have to be done the right way (if you’re into that kind of thing). Some of the traditions are listed below.

My Venue, Madeley Court Hotel

Madeley Court Hotel

view Madeley Court Hotel website

We’d almost booked Rowton Castle, we almost booked Somerford Hall so that when we looked at Madeley Court I wasn’t expecting much. I absolutely fell in love!

It does have that winding drive way, albeit along side a leisure centre, but a row of trees would hide that fence. It is an old country manor house; it was a catholic stronghold, owned by an abbey but it passed into private ownership at the dissolution of the monasteries. It has been lovingly restored by Madeley’s previous owners and has recently passed into the ownership of Mercure Hotels.

We first saw Madeley Court Jan 2010, I went with my mum to have a look. I was sceptical. The gate house did make me gasp as we came around the corner as it looks like an old castle gatehouse. Just stunning. We had a meeting with Peter, the wedding coordinator, who was so professional and friendly and took the time to show us all around the hotel and the Mill, where our reception will be held. 

The Mill has recently been restored and looks amazing, with a medieval style.There are two minstrel's galleries at either end, medieval paintings across the walls, a gorgeous carpet which can be removed to reveal a dance floor, and plenty of space! The Mill is on two floors, the ground floor is a spacious but dark bar and the top floor is a vast room big enough for a wedding breakfast.

What we wanted was a room big enough for a wedding breakfast and then big enough for a right old knees up in the evening. The Mill at Madeley Court is the first wedding venue that I saw which achieved this. I knew this was something h2b was concerned about, having enough space, so as soon as I saw that this was one of the biggest rooms I’d seen, then I was hooked! It also has the second room for those of your guests who want to retreat from the loud music, the bar downstairs. I also wanted to set up space for some mahjong tables, as I will be having some Chinese guests, and the Mill has plenty of space for this.

And Peter is absolutely fantastic. He’s serious and dedicated and he has a brilliant sense of humour. Just talking things through with him the other day really put a lot of our thoughts at ease. He is full of funny wedding stories, I could listen to him talking about past weddings! My friend’s little sister is getting married at Madeley Court in June, and as soon as I mentioned her name he reeled off her wedding date and knew exactly who I was talking about, even though he must be working with hundreds of couples each year. And yesterday, I was asked at a wedding fayre where my venue is and as soon as I mentioned Madeley Court the chap said Peter was fantastic and we are in safe hands. I really do feel that I’m in safe hands and I believe that Peter will do his best to give us the most wonderful day!

Why We Booked
I have a check list of things I wanted from my venue and Madeley ticked most of the boxes! 

1. Old manor house with lots of character and original features
2. Long, romantic, winding drive down to the manor house
3. Large room for the wedding breakfast and the evening reception
4. Second room for guests to go to if they don’t like the music but still being a part of the wedding
5. Catering and bar services all sorted for us
6. On site accommodation for us and our guests
7. An amazing wedding coordinator who also works as master of ceremonies
8. Ample parking
9. In the countryside

The only element that I don’t like is that Madeley Court is in Madeley and is surrounded by the leisure centre and houses. Luckily it is difficult to see any of these from the grounds and you’re so surrounded by history and beautiful buildings that one tends not to look outside the grounds.

You can see from my photos that the houses and leisure centre are nowhere to be seen. I feel like Madeley Court is a wow venue, and with so many of our guests attending our wedding coming to the UK for the first time, we really wanted something that was going to wow them.

My Recommendations
As Madeley Court is my venue of course I’m going to recommend it. I think that Madeley Court is ideal for a bride who has a moderate sized budget, who loves history and beautiful architecture, and who wants a large-ish space for a wonderful party. It’s ideal for a bride who wants to be taken care of by a wonderful wedding coordinator and yet has her own ideas for how she wants things to be.

It’s difficult to think why I wouldn’t recommend Madeley Court, I think everyone should get married here! Everyone who wants a historical venue. If you want an ultra modern wedding venue then Madeley Court is not for you.

Venues – The Moat House

The Moat House

View the Moat House website

This is the venue at which my best friend held her wedding reception and we had a fantastic time! It’s also where I brought my mother for her 65th birthday! I’m a fussy eater but on both occasions, the food was absolutely delicious! And without us asking, or letting them know we’d booked for a birthday, they served my mum a special birthday selection of chocolates which I thought was very kind!

My friend’s wedding here was wonderful. The day went very smoothly with delicious food and a beautiful back drop for your wedding photos. There is more than ample parking across the stream from the hotel.

We were greeted at the door with reception drinks and my friend had chosen mini doughnuts to be served as a welcome snack between the photos and the wedding breakfast. They were absolutely delicious.

The main room was wonderfully decorated with flowers supplied by the venue and we were seated and served our dinner. I had soup, vegetables in pastry and a chocolate brownie for pudding. All completely delicious and well presented. The service was brilliant and staff were very helpful.

At night time, there are tiny sparkly lights in the trees casting a beautiful light over their small lake. If your photographer is sticking around into your evening do, he/she could take some spectacular photos with that as a backdrop.

Why We Didn’t Book
I didn’t want to have the same wedding venue as my friend. She says she doesn’t mind but we have the same taste in colours, I didn’t want to have the same venue as well! Also, there’s no long winding drive. This winding drive is important to me, I would like my venue off set from the road quite a way. Also, I think the room was a tiny bit small for the number of guests we’d like to attend our wedding.

My Recommendations
After attending a fantastic wedding at The Mill I cannot recommend them enough! I know that my friend had an amazing day and we were well looked after. The breakfasts in the morning were amazing as well. I would recommend The Mill to a bride who is looking for a stylish, beautiful and accessible wedding. It’s easy to get to and stunning to boot!

Venues – The Mill Hotel

The Mill

View The Mill Hotel website

I saw the the Mill Hotel with my best friend when she was choosing venues for her wedding. I have to be honest, I wasn’t impressed with the gentleman who spoke to us about the wedding options but it is a nice venue.

It’s not an exclusive use venue, and could have up to three weddings going on at the same time. However, each wedding area is clearly separated and it is highly unlikely that you will see another bride, so said the gentleman who spoke to us. I’m not sure if you’re like me and would prefer an exclusive venue, but they do guarantee to do their best so that you won’t see another bride.

They have three different main rooms for weddings of varying sizes, styles and capacity, they do have a lot of options available. There’s a beautiful lake and manicured grounds which are fantastic for wedding photos. There’s a gorgeous fountain at the front and a lovely little bride over the lake. As a venue, it is very attractive with outside seating and separate bars for each area. When we were looking round, there was building work going on so The Mill has been recently updated.

Why We Didn’t Book
I wanted a venue that had exclusive use.  It also didn’t have that ever elusive winding, romantic driveway that I want so much.

My Recommendation
The Mill is nice, it’s experienced, it’s a convenient venue. You know that you will be in good hands if you book with The Mill. I’d recommend The Mill for a bride who wants a venue with choices, who has any size of guest list and who isn’t bothered about exclusive use.

Who to Invite?!

When choosing who to invite to your wedding, you may struggle to keep the numbers down. Many people may care about you and want to see you get married, however each person will cost you that little bit more money. It's finding that balance between having everyone you want to attend your wedding and making it affordable. 


I found this flowchart online, and there is an almost identical one in an issue of Wedding Ideas. I'm not sure where the flowchart originally came from but it was on a website with a translation into Malay. 

For example, lets try Aunty Hilda. Are either of you related to her? Yes. Will it create a family drama if you leave her off the list? No. Have you seen or spoken to her in the last year? No. Where you invited to her wedding? No, but then she was married in the 60's, so not sure that counts. Would her presence at the wedding make it more fun? Well... no, not really. She's not invited. 


It's a bit harsh and a simplistic view of how to choose your guests to your wedding but if you're really struggling then this could help. It would certainly help my h2b who wants to invite everyone he's ever met in his entire life! 

Beyond Excited

My wedding is 14 months away, but it's predominant in my  mind. I was trying to work out why. Of course, it's going to be an amazing day and there's a lot to organise, but why is it so exciting? My fiancé and I have been together for almost 8 years, engaged for 18 months, and although I'm very excited to become Mrs Wong (and as I'm a teacher the kids will be calling me Mrs Wong quite a bit) it really is just one day, and what will change really? 


Here are the reasons I came up with as to why I'm so excited, and why you should be too! 

• You get to be the main attraction, the centre of attention:
  I'm not a huge fan of being the centre of attention, not all the time, but when it's something special like your birthday or a promotion, it's nice to be the centre of attention, and weddings count too! All that planning and time and stress you've put in are finally worth it!
  
• Taking his Surname
  That's if you are taking his surname, but I'm looking forward to taking his name so much! His surname is a lot more interesting than mine and it'll be lots of fun! It's not very feminist of me to look forward to changing my name, but it's a little special thing that I think is really nice.
  
• Breaking the Dress Diet!
  Although you'll be very proud of all the weight you've lost, how you've avoided carbs and fat for the last year and spent every waking moment at the gym, finally.... Finally! You can eat a big main meal and have a pudding and then eat cake after it!
  
• Seeing your man all dressed up!
  If your hubby-to-be is like mine, he doesn't get dressed up very often. The chance to see him all dressed up in a proper wedding suit looking suave with his hair done is just wonderful! I'm looking forward to that!
  
• Match Making
  Arranging your seating plan meant that you could seat your gorgeous single friends together, and who knows what might happen? Looking forward to the reception and all the fun it may bring is another fun part of planning your big day, and something else to look forward to!
  
• The Dress
  Many women want to be a princess for a day, and most of us don't get many opportunities to dress up nicely. In my job, there's not much point dressing up nice unless I want paint, playdough, sick and other unmentionables all over my clothes so this one day is a chance for me to dress up and look completely beautiful (I hope). And the dress: my one chance to wear a princess dress and have a princess day.
  
• The First Dance
  After all the practising and rehearsing and changing the song this way and that way, it's finally time to show all your guests your first dance. I'm especially looking forward to my wedding dance because we're starting dance lessons in October so we will have worked really hard on it. I have two left feet and don't want to let my dance guru fiancé down, and I am excited to see everyone's reactions!
  
• The Reception
  A big party with all your friends and family! What could be more fun! All the music you personally enjoy, everyone being merry and a bit tipsy and celebrating your marriage to the man of your dreams! I can't think of a more enjoyable party! I'm really looking forward to that!
  
• The Honeymoon
  I've told fiancé I don't want to know anything about the honeymoon, I want it to be a complete surprise, all I want him to tell me is what kind of clothes I need to pack!  You may think I'm utterly insane but I'm taking over the wedding planning, it'll be good for him to have something that's his and he can decide about. I'm so looking forward to it because I know nothing about it. It'll be amazing! 

All in all, my excitement is fairly understandable. There is so much to look forward to! If your bride harks on a bit too much about the wedding, talking about dresses and invites and cars and orders of service, then give her some leeway, because now you know why she's so excited! 

My Venues - Key Questions

I've started to build some ideas for looking at venues. I was convinced there were almost no nice wedding venues in the West Midlands but after lots of searching (and some help from my mum!), I've found quite a few!

There are lots of different types of venues: country grandeur, city chic and quirky unique. I'm going to blog about all these different types of venue, linking in to venues all around the UK which fit into these ideas, but personally I'm looking for a venue with country grandeur. I want the long drive, the rolling hills, the grand country house with all the history and beautiful, romantic architecture.

Before I go to these venues, I've got my Bride Ideas notebook on me and a space to jot down some questions ready to ask the wedding coordinators. Here are some of my ideas for questions to ask:

• Maximum capacity
  This is an important question because it also says how many people you can invite. If you're having a 300 guest wedding extravaganza, a venue that only holds 60 guests isn't going to work for you.
  Also ask how those guests are seated. A venue that recommends 60 guests but can hold 100 may use long tables instead of circle tables. If you have your heart set on circle tables, this type of venue wouldn't be for you.
  
• Exclusive use
  Are you happy to share your venue with another bride? Some venues are exclusive because they don't have room for another wedding, other venues charge for exclusivity.
  
• Car parking
  This might sound like a boring question, but you will have a lot of people attending your special day. Making sure they have sufficient space to park their cars is just one small step into making the day enjoyable for everyone.
  
• Confetti
  Does the venue allow confetti to be thrown? Is it certain types of confetti? Are you allowed to sprinkle confetti on the tables? Some venues are listed and don't allow confetti to be thrown.
  
• Staying over
  After a long day, you may want to collapse into a hotel bed with the prospect of a hotel breakfast the next day. Can you stay over at your venue? It would mean putting off the tidying up, moving things about and final payments until the next day.
  
• Bride and Groom Room
  Is there a room the bride and groom could have a private five minutes? It's a busy day, you might want five minutes to just take a break. If you can stay over, this might be your hotel room, or if not staying over there might be a spare room for a sit down and a drink.
  
• Quiet spaces
  At the end of the night, when the music is loud, is there a place your older guests can go to be quiet? When looking for venues, I have discounted venues that didn't have a separate room or space for my older guests. Not everyone likes loud music, and to have a good atmosphere at your wedding it's important to make sure everyone has a good time. At my friend's wedding in the summer, guests were standing outside or sitting on the garden furniture outside, would that be possible for your guests?
  
• Menus and Prices per Head
  Ask for some sample menus to get some good ideas of the type of food you will get for your budget. Look at the prices per head and what that includes. Per head, your price could include red carpets, drinks, canapés, and a room for the night. Compare that to other prices where drinks are separate or extra.
  
• Carriages
  Some venues have carriages at 12:30, others will go to 1:00am. Some venues, such as hotels, will have carriages at 12:30 but allow you to continue the party in the hotel bar until you feel like going to bed.
  
• Cancellation policy
  Of course we are not going to cancel but if we do, how much of the deposit will we lose? Things happen, make sure if anything does happen that you know what costs you will need to pay. Read all your terms and conditions!
  
• Payment Dates
  There will probably be dates when you need to make certain amounts of payments with a final payment the morning after your wedding, if you sleep over.
  
• Marriage licence
  Do you want to get married at your reception venue? You will need to make sure that the venue has a marriage licence so that this is popular.
  
• The less common things:
  If you'd like fireworks at your wedding, Chinese lanterns or an arrival by helicopter, remember to ask your venue if they allow these.

I'm taking these questions and ideas with me as I go to visit venues and I'll write a review of the ones I'm going to see. I'm only looking for myself in the West Midlands, but I'll try to recommend venues all over the country. 

Wedding Books

There is a sea of wedding books out there. Some are helpful, some are not. It depends what kind of help you need. 

My Recommendations:

• The Wedding Companion
  A ring binder folder filled with information and spaces for you to write your own information. I'm using mine to keep all my suppliers contracts, wedding insurance and printed out emails. Tanya's information is interesting too and provides a few hints and help.
  Buy it on Amazon
• Bride Ideas
  An invaluable organiser, ready for keeping notes no matter how many ideas you have. It's a coil notebook with pre-set places for bridal notes. I find it really useful for comparing venues, suppliers, looking at different quotes and deciding on the best one to go with.
  But it on Amazon
• Wedding Babylon
  A frank and honest look behind the scenes of the wedding industry through the words of a wedding planner.
  Buy it on Amazon

These are the books I actually own and use myself, but there are other books you could buy or borrow from a library: I've reviewed the books below, I think they're pretty good and fairly useful. 

Useful for keeping all your notes together:

• Wedding Planner - On Amazon
  
• Wedding Notes Theme Mini Notebook - On Amazon
  
• Wedding Planner: Journal for Notes - On Amazon

Guides to Planning You Wedding

• Beautiful Weddings: Hundreds of Stylish Ideas for Your Big Day - on Amazon
  
• The Ultimate Wedding Ideas Book - on Amazon
  
• Creative Wedding Ides (Everything (Weddings)) - on Amazon
  

The sea of wedding books out there, it's difficult to decide which ones to buy. If you want the most up to date information, the magazines are the best to buy. The books are nice to keep, to put with all your wedding things after it's all over. 

Check List

We've set a date! We have chosen a date for our wedding. This all makes it seem that little bit more real. Fiancé didn't think we needed to set a date just yet but I pointed out that things need to get done and he relented. He says he can see how much it means to me! Next Easter I will be Mrs Wong!! Eeeeek!


Right, so we need to get things sorted! I've thought of a check list just to get my ideas in my head. There are lots of check lits out there, you can google search for some ( google search ) or there are loads in the wedding magazines, but I've prepared one here. A users guide to preparing for a wedding.


To start with:

• Talk with my fiancé about the type of day we're going to have: is it a big do/a small do? Is it here or abroad?
• What type of ceremony are we going to have? A church or a civil ceremony?
• Decide on the budget
• Start looking at venues - when you know venue capacity, you will know how many people you can invite!
• Start attending wedding fayres! Even if you don't book anyone from a fayre you can see different suppliers and see different styles. Some suppliers take cakes, bouquets and samples to fayres so you can get a really good idea

Then (about a year before):

• Ask your friends to be bridesmaids, but have a real think about it. Make sure you know who you want, girls who will be there for you no matter what!!
• Book your ceremony!
• Look at photographers and choose one
• Begin looking for the dream dress!
• Start thinking about your guest list - make some notes, group people by must haves, and maybes... this will be harder than you think!

Next (at about 9 months before):

• Start visiting venues and trust your gut! If you love the first venue, then book it straight away. If you have to look at 10 venues until you find the dream venue then so be it. 
• Try to order your dress about now, but some girls may find it harder to find the perfect dress, so don't worry too much
• Choose and book your florist
• After tasting some lovely cake samples, book your cake
• Order or buy your stationary
• Speak to your bridesmaids about their dresses, are you going to dictate to them what they're wearing or do they have a choice?

After that (at about 6 months):

• Order the bridesmaid dresses you discussed
• Book a honeymoon - yay!
• Book your transport, if you're using any
• Select a hair-dresser or makeup artist
• If you're having a church do, select some readings and who will read them
• Look into hotels for your guests
• If you're getting wedding rings made, start getting them made now

Then (at about 3 months):

• If you're not getting them made, look into buying them now
• Send out your invites!! - I like that bit!
• Think about what kind of wedding favours you want, and order them
• Make sure you have your wedding night accommodation
• Have some trials at your hair dresser and make-up artist

Next (at about 2 months):

• Confirm your menu with your venue or caterer
• If you have your RSVP's, you can start your seating plan
• Choose your DJ and think about what music you want, how about your first dance music?

Then (at about 1 month to go):

• Give all your suppliers' contact details to your venue so they can help if there's a problem
• You will have your finally dress fitting!
• Make sure your grooms men and ushers know what you want them to do
• Make sure all your stationary such as menus and place cards

2 Weeks to Go!

• Sort out your honeymoon clothes! Yay!
• Make sure your photographer has all your 'must have' photos
• Make sure you have everyone's thank you gifts all ready 

The Week Before

• Check everything is organised for your honeymoon
• Make sure everyone knows where they have to be, confirm times and details with key people
• Have your wedding rehearsal

The Day Before Your Big Day

• Sort out your nails, manicure at the very least! 
• Make sure luggage and everything like that is where you want it
• Sometimes you might need to take decorations to your venue
• Finally, make sure you relax! 

That's a lot to think about! I think it helps to have these things broken down into chunks. It's important to remember this timeline isn't set in stone. You don't have to do all of the things in the list but it is a guide to help organise things. 

Building Some Ideas

Free Spreadsheet to Download


I have put all my ideas down on a spreadsheet! I thought it would be a good to share with other brides. 

I started with a list of all the things we would have to pay for: the church (or civil ceremony), the venue, the dress, et. Then I realised that it wasn't in enough detail for me to track through exactly what we need to pay for so I made some more worksheets, and linked them through to the totals on the main page. 


I've found it useful so far. I was able to put budgets in for how much I hope things are going to cost, and when I start visiting suppliers I will be able to aim for these kinds of prices. I know roughly how much my wedding is going to cost so I think I can bring it in within budget! Here's hoping!


My budget I'm aiming for is £16,000, including £2000 honeymoon. I have absolutely no idea if it will come in at this sort of budget but I can cross my fingers and use my budget sheet to help me. 

I'm engaged!! I can't believe it!!

I am engaged!! Today is the first day in the rest of my life. My long suffering boyfriend has asked me to marry him after six years, six months and three days!

It was romantic in our own way. He took me out on a day trip, in the beautiful Autumn sunshine. I really hoped that he was going to propose but he has taken me on so many wonderful days out and not proposed that I didn't want to get my hopes up.  

       We stopped in a secluded area, golden brown trees leaning over us, and he went down on one knee. I was so surprised I almost didn’t say yes! But yes! I said yes! And now we’re getting married! And that's my ring! I love it! 

With just over one year until our big day, we have a few things that need to get sorted. On the drive home we had a think about the things we need to do. We need to

• tell both sets of parents and all our friends
• decide on a date
• think about the kind of wedding that we want, who we want to be there
• think about starting to shed some pounds
• and thinking about our budget

The budget is the least part of the wedding I want to think about. I want a big wedding. I’m not so fussed about expensive, but I want all the people I love to come, and to have a fairly fantastic party. My fiancé wants me to be happy and have the day I’ve always dreamed of, within reason. I’m just so glad we’re on the same page.

We still have a lot to talk about and discuss, mainly we’re thinking about money.